DON'T SHOULD ON ME . . . 

Once upon a time, there was a little eight year old boy. He was riding his bike down a steep hill--the same hill he rides down every day. This time, however, he gets hit by a semi-truck and is smeared across two lanes of traffic. He dies of extreme brain trauma in a hospital two hours later.

The mayor is quoted the next day in the newspaper as saying it was such a tragedy and it never should have happened. 

In this scenario, the mayor is wrong. Yeah, I said it. 

Wrong.

 It absolutely should have happened. Why? Because it DID happen. No laws of physics were broken. No Witchcraft was used. The boy did not levitate into the grill of the semi-truck. No. It was a steep hill. The stop sign at the bottom of the hill had an over-grown tree covering it. The boy had also never been to bicycle safety training. The semi-truck driver had been driving for 14 hours straight and the sun was in his eyes at that exact moment. Everything was set so that is was IMPOSSIBLE for this tragedy to NOT happen. 

Why this horrific story? Why my horrific take on it when I am known for being quippy and light? Sort of?

I'll tell you.

Because the word "should" needs to be eliminated. Forever. Banish that bitch. It's no good. . . no good, I tell you. 

When you say, "You should have been here an hour ago!" that is a false statement. "I WANTED you here an hour ago." True. "You SAID you would be here an hour ago." True. "I THOUGHT you were going to be here an hour ago." True. However, if the person whom is late did not even leave their house until ten minutes ago then no, he should NOT be on time. How can he be? He left late. 

This is getting confusing. I know. Hang tight, I'm coming for ya. 

My point is simple. The domino effect. That little boy that got hit by the truck? If even one of those factors had been changed, it would not have happened. If the tree was trimmed so the truck driver could see the stop sign, he would be alive. If the driver had only been driving two hours, the boy would still be alive. If the little boy had taken bicycle safety and stopped to WALK his bike through the crosswalk, he would still be alive. . . something had to CHANGE for it to NOT happen, do you understand? 

Mr non-existent mayor? Please rewrite your non-existent speech. "I am horrified that this tragedy has happened. I will do everything in my power to make sure that this does not happen to another child." Now THAT is getting somewhere. This pretend mayor now realizes that "should" is fiction. It's a write-off. It is describing something that has not happened. . . it is describing something that you wanted, not what happened. 

Think this is trivial and pedantic? Well, let's see. . .

Which is more helpful to you, the reader:

"Ohhh, SHIT. I'm late again--I should have left earlier."

or

"Damn, I'm late again. Tonight I will go to bed earlier so that I'm not late for work tomorrow."

One you can do something about. The other is a dead statement with no correction to stop the behavior or event from recurring. Get it?         

"I studied so hard, I should have gotten an A. Stupid teacher!"

"I studied so hard and I only got a C-. I think I may need to hook up with a tutor in the library."

"My parents never let me get a word in edge-wise. I should just run away. . ."

"My parents interrupt me frequently. I think I'll try writing them a letter and see if that works. . ."

The word "should" identifies a mythical, non-existent place, y'all. It is an action-stopper. It is a solution- clogger. It is a dead-end with no happy ending. It is a blame word. A hate word. A reprimanding word. . . banish it. 

How do you speak to yourself? Oh, stop it. We all talk to ourselves, either out loud (my favorite) or silently in our mind. Do you should on yourself? STOP IT!! Them's BULLYING words!

"I should have gotten that A. . ." 

"I never should have married him. . ."

"I should have known better. . ."

"I shouldn't have told her a damn thing. . ."

"Next time, I should just smack him. . ."

"I forgot her number--I should have written it down."

Are there any solutions there? No. Just lots of smacking yourself around. Stop it. I like you. I don't want to see you smacking yourself on a daily. Try these. . .

"I wanted an A so bad. I'm going to study harder next time. I want an A and I'm going to get one."

"I married him because I loved him but things have really gone to shit. I think we need counseling."

"I was hoping for that raise and didn't get it. Tomorrow I'll ask my boss why."

"I told her my secret and she told everyone. I am not going to trust her like this again."

"The next time I feel this angry, I'm going to go for a walk. I do not want to be by him when he's like that, so I'll leave until I feel better."

"Wow--she was so cute and I forgot her number--damn! Next time, I'm going to borrow the waitress's pen and write the number down right away."

"Should" is the antithesis of progress, folks. And it's a horrible feeling word. Also, a word frequented by procrastinators. Don't use it. If you're shoulding on yourself, stop. State what you wanted to happen and state what you will do, what you will CHANGE to get the desired result next time. If you're using "should" then you are speaking of a fictional thing that never happened or has yet to happen. Stop. Rephrase. Insert solution. Extract demeaning self-talk. Proceed with your life in a happier, more forgiving mental environment. 

Any questions, just drop a comment. If I don't have the answers, I'll find them, I assure you. 

Just wanted to puke a little psychology and self-help on anyone who could stomach it. Thanks for reading it. The next post will be blissfully free of any.