Okay. Listen. I'm not a foo-foo, girly-girly. BUT. Do NOT fart or burp in my general vicinity. I will hit you right after I finish gagging.
Here is the naked truth about the noxious air that some people choose to expel from their orifices. A fart has just been completely surrounded by fecal matter. It was in and OF the fecal matter. By expelling this retched thing into the air, it is exactly equivalent to me sticking my head straight up your ass and taking a deep breath. Stop it. I do not want to breathe your ass air.
The burp. This is the exact same situation as the fart except said expelled air had previously been surrounded by vomit. Yes, vomit. It is vomit that has not yet reversed itself and wound up in the toilet. Your burp lived it's entire life surrounded by noxious fumes and vomit. And then, you expel it into the air so that I am forced, with no court of appeal, to inhale your vomit air. Stop it. It would be zero different if you barfed on a sidewalk and then expected me to put my nose and face one inch from the pile of steaming chunks and inhale. It's just rude to expect someone else to smell your vomit.
Hence ends the tutorial on what a fart and burp really are. They are ass air and vomit air and should never leave the owner's body until said owner is alone and only able to hurt himself. So, stop it. It's fucking gross.
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