Range Mental Health Services called me yesterday...wanted me to come back to work for them. I quit there a year and a half ago. They know I can't do ARMHS work anymore. (when you go into people's homes and counsel them.) They have an in-building counseling job they called to ask if I would take, if I would come back for...fuck.
Folks, I am the best counselor you'll ever meet. I am also woefully unequipped to draw any kind of a line or get any degree of separation of any kind, whatsoever. When I was a counselor, I started at 40 hour weeks, M-F, great benefits, very good money, nobody looking over my shoulder. I had about 15 clients. And then my days started sliding into 10 hours a day...clients needed more help than the 8 hour shifts would allow. Word slowly spread...new clients started asking for me by name. My client list went to 35...each client entitled to 5 hours of counseling a week. That is some severely fucked up math. I found myself working 16 hour days, seven days a week. Every cigarette I lit, my hands would shake. And it wasn't enough. I couldn't help enough, give enough, do enough, fix enough, listen enough, be enough... I would get home finally and then get up in the middle of the night to call and check on a client that was suicidal or on the verge of using.
Forget the hours, the endless technical reports for insurance companies and disability claims, the never ending phone calls, everyone needing me right now, right now, right now. No...it was the blackness. The blackness that they lived in that finally stomped me into nothing. To be steeped in human misery and know that you are the ferry man to help these people out of their treachery...to listen to the stories, one after the next...to see a mother of five stoned out of her fucking mind and her kids not yet fed and you're there to help...to be called a fucking cunt and then have them cry and say they love me, to never leave...all the stories of rape, abuse, neglect, prostitution, the extent someone will go to for their next fix, the abuse someone will put up with so they can pretend someone loves them...the blackness is what did it for me; the hands reaching out with the ever-present plea, "Help me..."
And then one day, I was driving my car and didn't know where the fuck I was anymore. I pulled over and couldn't move...and didn't even care. I sat on the couch for almost a year and stared at nothing, medicated goddamn near into unconsciousness.
And they called me yesterday to see if I would come back.
That would be a resounding "Fuck NO." I'll stick to my writing...but, thanks anyway.
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Tuesday, February 25, 2014
Boring and Meaningless Shit About Me
1) I am Catholic
2) I am 5'4" and weigh 110.
3) I have green eyes.
4) I will throttle a bully.
5) I am so open minded that I have few strongly held beliefs.
6) I paint in acrylics.
7) I prefer to be alone.
8) I don't eat breakfast or lunch.
9) I have 1 brother, four years older than me.
10) I have 3 Labradors.
11) The song, "Here I am Lord" makes me cry.
12) I love the smell of freshly turned dirt, like at a construction site.
13) I don't want the news.
14) I think military dudes rock and will do anything for them.
15) I don't have a favorite song, author, movie, band, book.
16) My favorite color is green.
17) I do not give a shit about clothes.
18) I hate shopping of any sort, at all, ever.
19) I hate getting flowers, candy, or cards.
20) When I go out to eat, I always order pasta.
21) I was a mental health practitioner and have my B.S. in psychology.
22) I like fishing for walleyes in a boat, not so much off shore.
23) I know how to clean (filet) walleys, including the y-bone strip, but always feel sorry for them and will usually let them go before I ever filet them.
24) I love hiking and waterfalls.
25) I love going to plays and SOME ballet.
26) I've always wanted to see "Faust."
27) I am very interested in various cultures, religions, and mythology.
28) I do not give any kind of a fuck about politics.
29) Authority does not impress me. At all.
30) I don't trust people who smile when they're upset. (BTW- psychologically speaking, if someone does this, there's a high probability that one of their parents was an alcoholic. Now you know.)
31) I was a corrections officer at a military-style boot camp for 6 years.
32) I will not eat a brussel sprout.
33) I love spinach.
34) I hate watermelon.
35) I have a whiskey/coke every night. A big one.
36) To my knowledge, I have never read any of the classics. It is my intent to never read them.
37) I got fired from a job for not being a narc. I do not narc, even on an asshole. I don't and won't. I'm not that honorable, I just hate authority that fucking much.
38) I love looking for agates on gravel roads and beaches.
39) it is woefully, unbearably difficult for me to back down.
40) any kind of a science class that takes a lab can kiss my ass.
41) when I am confused about something or amazed by someone's stupidity, I squint my eyes.
42) I endorse and highly recommend sex.
43) I endorse and highly recommend swearing.
44) I am a smoker though I do not endorse it.
45) I am introverted and too much noise or too many people will make me bolt.
46) I hate and do mean hate hall monitors. People who police how other people think or act or talk. Whenever I am able, I will pick fights with them.
47) I always wear a gold St. Christopher medallion. It never comes off.
48) I got my dogs each a St. Francis medallion for their collars. (St. Francis is the protector of animals)
49) I drink black coffee and then add two tablespoons of instant coffee to it and then creamer to kill the toxicity. I drink it all day.
50) I have insomnia....
2) I am 5'4" and weigh 110.
3) I have green eyes.
4) I will throttle a bully.
5) I am so open minded that I have few strongly held beliefs.
6) I paint in acrylics.
7) I prefer to be alone.
8) I don't eat breakfast or lunch.
9) I have 1 brother, four years older than me.
10) I have 3 Labradors.
11) The song, "Here I am Lord" makes me cry.
12) I love the smell of freshly turned dirt, like at a construction site.
13) I don't want the news.
14) I think military dudes rock and will do anything for them.
15) I don't have a favorite song, author, movie, band, book.
16) My favorite color is green.
17) I do not give a shit about clothes.
18) I hate shopping of any sort, at all, ever.
19) I hate getting flowers, candy, or cards.
20) When I go out to eat, I always order pasta.
21) I was a mental health practitioner and have my B.S. in psychology.
22) I like fishing for walleyes in a boat, not so much off shore.
23) I know how to clean (filet) walleys, including the y-bone strip, but always feel sorry for them and will usually let them go before I ever filet them.
24) I love hiking and waterfalls.
25) I love going to plays and SOME ballet.
26) I've always wanted to see "Faust."
27) I am very interested in various cultures, religions, and mythology.
28) I do not give any kind of a fuck about politics.
29) Authority does not impress me. At all.
30) I don't trust people who smile when they're upset. (BTW- psychologically speaking, if someone does this, there's a high probability that one of their parents was an alcoholic. Now you know.)
31) I was a corrections officer at a military-style boot camp for 6 years.
32) I will not eat a brussel sprout.
33) I love spinach.
34) I hate watermelon.
35) I have a whiskey/coke every night. A big one.
36) To my knowledge, I have never read any of the classics. It is my intent to never read them.
37) I got fired from a job for not being a narc. I do not narc, even on an asshole. I don't and won't. I'm not that honorable, I just hate authority that fucking much.
38) I love looking for agates on gravel roads and beaches.
39) it is woefully, unbearably difficult for me to back down.
40) any kind of a science class that takes a lab can kiss my ass.
41) when I am confused about something or amazed by someone's stupidity, I squint my eyes.
42) I endorse and highly recommend sex.
43) I endorse and highly recommend swearing.
44) I am a smoker though I do not endorse it.
45) I am introverted and too much noise or too many people will make me bolt.
46) I hate and do mean hate hall monitors. People who police how other people think or act or talk. Whenever I am able, I will pick fights with them.
47) I always wear a gold St. Christopher medallion. It never comes off.
48) I got my dogs each a St. Francis medallion for their collars. (St. Francis is the protector of animals)
49) I drink black coffee and then add two tablespoons of instant coffee to it and then creamer to kill the toxicity. I drink it all day.
50) I have insomnia....
Monday, February 24, 2014
Why My Future Lies in Prison
1) I will have finally killed an old lady with my grocery cart by running her over. And then backing over her, and then running over her again. It will have been an accident.
2) I will find my Italian dude, complete with Italian accent, and become a stalker. I will also steal his underwear and kick out all the tire stems on his girlfriend's vehicle.
3) I will lose my sense of humor with the mailman who sits in the driveway and honks for me to come retrieve packages from him because he doesn't want to get his fat ass out of the car. I will, at some point, stab him in the face with a fork.
4) I will get one too many literary critiques asking me if I can write a "nice" book. They don't like psychological thrillers but like my writing so, will I write a nice book? Yeah. Death will not ensue when I finally lose it, but there will be a Taser involved...hooked up to a fucking generator.
5) If, at some point, I ever become a wealthy writer, I will hire a squad of detectives to track down and get me the addresses of every telemarketer that calls after five. Immediately following these addresses, I will request the addresses of company owners who hire customer service representatives who cannot speak fucking English.
6) Face book and LinkedIn will eventually get a restraining order against me which I will immediately violate.
7) Someone will burp and fart at me at the exact same time and their life will end immediately...fucking instantaneously.
8) Another editor will inform me that there's too much violence in the world, ask why I would want to contribute to that, and I've got some talent--why don't I write a nice cookbook?
9) I will attempt to open a CD in its original packaging without having taken my Valium. There is no fixed target in this scenario, rather anyone and anything with a pulse who is unable to duck airborne objects.
10) I will have finished my editing and promoting early and sat down to enjoy watching the Timberwolves play only to find it's been blacked out. Dish Network may well receive an odd, powdery substance in their mail.
2) I will find my Italian dude, complete with Italian accent, and become a stalker. I will also steal his underwear and kick out all the tire stems on his girlfriend's vehicle.
3) I will lose my sense of humor with the mailman who sits in the driveway and honks for me to come retrieve packages from him because he doesn't want to get his fat ass out of the car. I will, at some point, stab him in the face with a fork.
4) I will get one too many literary critiques asking me if I can write a "nice" book. They don't like psychological thrillers but like my writing so, will I write a nice book? Yeah. Death will not ensue when I finally lose it, but there will be a Taser involved...hooked up to a fucking generator.
5) If, at some point, I ever become a wealthy writer, I will hire a squad of detectives to track down and get me the addresses of every telemarketer that calls after five. Immediately following these addresses, I will request the addresses of company owners who hire customer service representatives who cannot speak fucking English.
6) Face book and LinkedIn will eventually get a restraining order against me which I will immediately violate.
7) Someone will burp and fart at me at the exact same time and their life will end immediately...fucking instantaneously.
8) Another editor will inform me that there's too much violence in the world, ask why I would want to contribute to that, and I've got some talent--why don't I write a nice cookbook?
9) I will attempt to open a CD in its original packaging without having taken my Valium. There is no fixed target in this scenario, rather anyone and anything with a pulse who is unable to duck airborne objects.
10) I will have finished my editing and promoting early and sat down to enjoy watching the Timberwolves play only to find it's been blacked out. Dish Network may well receive an odd, powdery substance in their mail.
Saturday, February 22, 2014
The bold truth about a fart and a burp
Okay. Listen. I'm not a foo-foo, girly-girly. BUT. Do NOT fart or burp in my general vicinity. I will hit you right after I finish gagging.
Here is the naked truth about the noxious air that some people choose to expel from their orifices. A fart has just been completely surrounded by fecal matter. It was in and OF the fecal matter. By expelling this retched thing into the air, it is exactly equivalent to me sticking my head straight up your ass and taking a deep breath. Stop it. I do not want to breathe your ass air.
The burp. This is the exact same situation as the fart except said expelled air had previously been surrounded by vomit. Yes, vomit. It is vomit that has not yet reversed itself and wound up in the toilet. Your burp lived it's entire life surrounded by noxious fumes and vomit. And then, you expel it into the air so that I am forced, with no court of appeal, to inhale your vomit air. Stop it. It would be zero different if you barfed on a sidewalk and then expected me to put my nose and face one inch from the pile of steaming chunks and inhale. It's just rude to expect someone else to smell your vomit.
Hence ends the tutorial on what a fart and burp really are. They are ass air and vomit air and should never leave the owner's body until said owner is alone and only able to hurt himself. So, stop it. It's fucking gross.
Here is the naked truth about the noxious air that some people choose to expel from their orifices. A fart has just been completely surrounded by fecal matter. It was in and OF the fecal matter. By expelling this retched thing into the air, it is exactly equivalent to me sticking my head straight up your ass and taking a deep breath. Stop it. I do not want to breathe your ass air.
The burp. This is the exact same situation as the fart except said expelled air had previously been surrounded by vomit. Yes, vomit. It is vomit that has not yet reversed itself and wound up in the toilet. Your burp lived it's entire life surrounded by noxious fumes and vomit. And then, you expel it into the air so that I am forced, with no court of appeal, to inhale your vomit air. Stop it. It would be zero different if you barfed on a sidewalk and then expected me to put my nose and face one inch from the pile of steaming chunks and inhale. It's just rude to expect someone else to smell your vomit.
Hence ends the tutorial on what a fart and burp really are. They are ass air and vomit air and should never leave the owner's body until said owner is alone and only able to hurt himself. So, stop it. It's fucking gross.
Expert Driving Advice
Here is some very important driving advice and so, pay attention. If you drive a stick shift, do not borrow someone's automatic. You will launch yourself onto the hood of the car trying to use the brake as a clutch. Fact.
My belief system
Not sure about all this blogging stuff. Bear with me folks. I am, apparently, supposed to share some discussions and views and let folks know what I like. Okay. Can-do.
What people need to know about me is if you're in front of me in the grocery store and are going slower than me, I'll run my cart up your back. I don't give a fuck if you have a cane. This is a deeply held part of my daily practices and beliefs. See--now you're starting to get to know me...I can feel the love. :)
What people need to know about me is if you're in front of me in the grocery store and are going slower than me, I'll run my cart up your back. I don't give a fuck if you have a cane. This is a deeply held part of my daily practices and beliefs. See--now you're starting to get to know me...I can feel the love. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)